SHELLEY: In order to train interdependence into our family, we needed to allow for some of that exploration of their own personalities and their likes and their dislikes. As we would do that together, that is the direction our family would go. As long as those things were along with our family values, which we all came up with together, then it was something we all celebrated.

LONNIE: Where we live, together these days, is one expression of that value of our family—that we like to do life together. So we’re blessed to be able to live very close to each other, which makes it easier at this stage in our life to do life together. And to be more interdependent than independent. These days, the common theme among families is the up and out theme. Like, can I raise them up and get them out as quick as I can so I can then go enjoy my life. Please don’t think that way for your family. You miss the primary benefit of being a family, where there’s this magical interdependency where each person is strong as an individual, and chooses to be interdependent. Which means, coming from the same story, being on the same team, supporting each other, encouraging each other, lifting each other up. We get the privilege of doing that, as a family. We are interdependent, and we do life together.

SHELLEY: I would say the number one enemy to living intentionally is being too busy. And so, Lonnie and I learned early on in our relationship how being too busy is a destroyer of friendship and love. We do a weekly date night and then we would do individual dates with the children as well. And even Lonnie would do a once-a-month with each child. And I would say that is how we keep our influence the closest to what the kids are seeing. We’ve actually scheduled family council meetings, a once-a-year planning and goal-setting retreat, then a review week in the mountains, where we’re usually backpacking and off-grid. These things are all very important to keep those goals and principles and values up front. And then while we’re in the process of hiking down the trail, a lot of times we’re reviewing our values or we’re finding fun ways to get those burned into our minds even more. So like, writing our values in big pieces of drift wood along a beach. Or in rocks, or playing charades and having people guess what kind of, what value that we’re talking about. And then, as they’re older now of course, those things have become more mature. But still they like the fun way of doing it too.

LONNIE: For me, the most important thing in life is about what leaders I follow and who I lead. It starts with being a good follower, not just of anyone or everyone, but a good follower of great leaders. For me the greatest leader in my life, that’s inspired me the most, is Jesus. And really that’s not a religious thing for me at all, it’s a very practical thing. Jesus is just the most high-caliber, high-impact leader that’s walked this planet. And had the most multi-generational positive impact on people and that’s a very grounding thing for me to have a leader like that. That inspires me and really informs me of how I lead. One of the leadership qualities that I so admire in Jesus is that he had absolute, unconditional love for everyone around him. He cared genuinely about others. That was the core of who he was. He has this extraordinary character—a character that has both strength and compassion. And this humility of spirit that’s so rare to see in many leaders. Our dream for our legacy is that every generation would burn brighter and hotter for God and His purposes than the prior generation. That’s the way it’s supposed to be—that every generation is more effectively following the Jesus model than the prior generation. That every generation is more effectively bringing God’s leadership and His values to this earth than the prior generation. If that happens, we’re a success.